My Daughter

Eleven years ago, my daughter was born.

She was a Shettles baby, in that we followed the Shettles Method of Gender Selection in order to increase our chances of having a girl (since I have a preponderance of male conceptions in my family lineage, and we already had a beautiful little boy and knew that two was going to be our limit). Incidentally, my mom had used Shettles' principles to conceive my sister, and I'd recommended it to a coworker who was trying to conceive a second child with his wife (it worked for them as well). Anecdotally, it works pretty well - though I'm certainly the first to admit it's an imperfect science and there's been a lot of medical challenge to Shettles' work.

Anyway, Kayleigh was ready to come join the fun, giving Sam about 5-1/2 hours labor, total (from water breaking to delivery). We could never keep her from a party. As with Tyler's birth, we had a second birthing coach in the delivery room to run interference with the family and give me support when I was otherwise engaged with Sam's labor. They barely got the epidural in before Kayleigh Grace Downing made her entrance. Out popped a delicate little baby girl, and a proud papa cut the cord as our family doc attended.

It was the day after our 7th wedding anniversary, which created an interesting emotional dynamic, especially after Sam died.

From her earliest development, we knew Kayleigh (Old English, "rejoice") would be a performer (being the genetic product of two actor/artist/musicians). That theory is no less valid now, as she plays her clarinet, guitar, recorder, keyboards, bass and sings.

She's experienced a great deal more trauma and loss in her short time on Earth than most of her peers. And yet, she continues to meet the world with a smile and a hug. If I sometimes doubt my abilities as a dad, it is Kayleigh's amazing talent and attitude that re-inspire me to keep going. She's a testament to love and a resilient human spirit.

Happy birthday, Kayleigh. I love you.

Last Day for the Girl

Congrats to TBGE on her last day in her former department, and best wishes in the transition to her new gig!

Love you, baby!

Lows and Highs

I tried to stay distracted today. I tried to just put it out of my mind. But I don't think it will ever be possible to forget - nor do I think I should try to forget. It just is. It just was. The twenty years Sam and I spent together is, for better or worse, a part of who I am. The loss of that old life forged what was left of me at that rock bottom place into what I've become. There will always be a part of me that feels cheated by the Universe, by fate, by God, by whatever, for the loss of that life. And it would be so easy to be bitter, angry and play the victim.

But I'm not a victim. I'm a survivor. And there's a huge difference between the two.

And although I may feel a bit sad a couple days out of the year while I remember an important person in my life who is no longer here, it is not my full measure. It has never been.

I can observe an important loss AND be hopeful about the future. We're remarkably complex and resilient beings, we humans.

Yes, what keeps me smiling, even on the sad days, is this...

Anniversaries and Birthdays

Paul Newman died, and today would have been my 18th wedding anniversary. Yeah, I'm a bit down (I'm allowed, thank you), but I'm also not so focused there anymore. A lot is going well in my life, and I choose to focus on that to a great extent. So while I raise a glass in spirit to Samantha on this day, she knows I have good things in front of me and don't need to dwell in the past.

TBGE wrote up her experience of hosting 11 year old girls for a slumber party, so I won't duplicate. But I will say that it was pretty much my experience from the last 3 birthdays (and she did an awesome job being the mom/host). This time, however, I got to go downstairs with a Guinness and my painting supplies, and transform the bedroom while I watched football. The Stanford-UW game was sufficiently close enough not to be an embarrassment (Card won). Saw some of the WVU-Marshall game highlights (WVU won), and probably the biggest news in the Pac 10 was that Oregon State beat USC for the first time since the 1960s, and University of Oregon slaughtered Washington State 63-14. Oregon has come to kick some ass and chew some gum, and apparently they're out of gum.

Sunday started with the usual coffee-with-Ron tradition (the lady at the check-out counter at B&N recognized us as we entered - "Wouldn't be Sunday without ya!"), but we'd arranged to cut out early so that Raechelle could take off for some Kim time. While Raechelle was gone, I took the opportunity to paint the last wall in the bedroom, catch the Kansas City-Denver game (while painting), and do some yard work in the front. I felt very industrious.

(Two shades of tan now compliment the steel blue carpet
and oak Mission furniture)

Raechelle came home and oohed and ahhed at the progress (which is why I do it, ya know). We cuddled up for a bit (between the painting, yard work and not hydrating, I was exhausted), watched some of the Chicago-Philadelphia game, made some dinner, watched some Buffy season 1, then put the kids to bed and collapsed.

It was a good weekend. Barriers were crossed, strides were made. Raechelle gave me a huge validation in her blog which actually made me a bit misty. Things are good.

This week, we have much to celebrate. Happy hour for Rae's last couple days in her old job, Kayleigh's actual birthday and family dinner Tuesday night, and on Friday, I'm taking Raechelle to Port Townsend for a weekend at the Ann Starrett Mansion. Look at us go.

You're Kidding Me

Taurus
4/20-5/20

Your social calendar is going to be buzzing soon -- people are feeling more affection for you than ever before, and your presence will be in demand for everything from weddings to house painting parties [emphasis mine]. Accept all the invitations you want, and be mindful that the older friends in your life still deserve your time too. Don't get distracted by the new and shiny people who promise so much intrigue and excitement. Remember to save some time for the folks who've always been there for you.

* * *

So... I finished painting the west wall. That's two down, two to go.

Zero to Sixty...

...in the blink of an eye.

Had a Duo script conference with Jim on Tuesday night, and he had some suggestions both nit-picky and critical. Which means another dialog pass before we can effectively pitch again.

Competing for the same burner is the Ordinary Angels series pilot screenplay, which is at the time of this writing about 35% finished. Add to that a November deadline for pitching the series to a specific production company in Vancouver, and you have a suddenly very busy writer.

(Okay, look at both posters and tell me I'm not just a little fond of Eric Riedmann.)

So which to work on first?

That's easy. Neither. I just got paint for my bedroom, and started cutting in the edges yesterday. I may just finish the east wall so it can be drying while I write. Raechelle is going to help me with the other three walls this weekend. Apologies in advance if I go a bit quiet over the next week or two. I'll get a few posts in here and there, but I sense a manic workaholic episode coming on.

Wish me luck.

Four Months

For those of you keeping score, Raechelle and I have been together four months today. I may have mentioned that, after we'd passed three months, it became my longest relationship, post-Sam.

It's good. Really good. I look forward to celebrating many more anniversaries with this adorable little lady who makes me laugh and my heart take flight. Corny? Maybe. Deal with it.

Cheers, baby.