Monday, February 11, 2013

Here We Go Again

I don't know what meaning the decision to return to the blog on what would have been Samantha's 46th birthday actually holds, if any.  But here we are.

The holidays were busy, projects professional and domestic galore.  And another February 11th has rolled around and left me somewhat confused at my own emotional reaction.  I know that grief isn't linear, and a wave can hit you at seemingly random times when you least expect it.  But on the flip side, I'm very happy in my marriage with Rae and have relatively great relationships with my kids.  I want for very little on an emotional level.  So when this year's 2/11 rolled around and the grief-bus ran me over, I was pretty confused.

Some of it is that I've been missing my dad a lot.  Between Sam's birthday on the 11th, Valentine's Day on the 14th (which is when our house burned down) and Dad's on the 27th, February is not my most favorite month ever.  It just also happens to be the month that Raechelle and I are doing a pretty big 28-day liver cleanse, which means my body is detoxing like a mofo -- caffeine and sugar withdrawal especially -- which further means that I'm feeling not-in-control.  And the entire reason we decided to do this was because of Raechelle's liver issues... so not being in control and having a wife with a liver illness are both kind of enormous triggers.

I guess I probably just answered my own question.  Hooray for blogging.

Sting, play us off...