Monday, September 29, 2008

Lows and Highs

I tried to stay distracted today. I tried to just put it out of my mind. But I don't think it will ever be possible to forget - nor do I think I should try to forget. It just is. It just was. The twenty years Sam and I spent together is, for better or worse, a part of who I am. The loss of that old life forged what was left of me at that rock bottom place into what I've become. There will always be a part of me that feels cheated by the Universe, by fate, by God, by whatever, for the loss of that life. And it would be so easy to be bitter, angry and play the victim.

But I'm not a victim. I'm a survivor. And there's a huge difference between the two.

And although I may feel a bit sad a couple days out of the year while I remember an important person in my life who is no longer here, it is not my full measure. It has never been.

I can observe an important loss AND be hopeful about the future. We're remarkably complex and resilient beings, we humans.

Yes, what keeps me smiling, even on the sad days, is this...


Dee said...

No, you shouldn't try to forget. The past will always be a part of us and you should remember anytime you feel like you need to. And then you move on with the present and the future. Nice picture of the two of you - you look very happy. I like happy!

TD said...

Thanks, Dee. That was taken yesterday at happy hour at Chandler's, celebrating Rae's last couple days at her now "old" job. :-)