Monday, February 2, 2009

Big and Strong

By the time I finish writing this, a bazillion-six bloggers will have blogged about Superbowl XLIII. But because I absolutely do not care about either team, I thought I'd make an observation.

I think John Madden might have a secret.

First of all, it was a much closer, much more exciting game than we thought it might be, going in. This year our division sucked harder than a Venezuelan call girl, evident in the Cardinals going to the big game with a winning record of... 9. Ugh. That's the best the west could do this year. Not a great showing. We didn't think the Steelers would have a particularly tough time beating them, and were honestly amazed that the spread was something like 6.5 points.

But it was a white-knuckle game, despite our pessimism. The officials were not calling for Pittsburgh all the time (a pleasant surprise as a Seattleite), and Warner statistically outplayed Roethlisberger (who is apparently the earthly avatar of the god of football here on Earth, according to the commentators). In all fairness, Pittsburgh's 100-yard end-zone interception return was a truly amazing play -- overall, they actually earned this victory*. But it was because Arizona made them earn it.

Maybe because I really didn't care about the outcome (except we did root for Arizona simply by virtue of them NOT being Pittsburgh) I found I was picking up a lot more of the commentary chatter, and for some reason it took on a distinctly homoerotic dimension. Perhaps it was repeated use of the terms "penetration", or how every goddamn time Madden commented on a play, he would refer to the player thusly:

"He's a big, strong guy, and when you're big and strong..."
"He's got big, strong hands..."
"He's absolutely huge..."
"A big, strong player..."
"Big..."
"Strong..."
"Big and strong..."

Swear. To. Gawd. It almost became a drinking game. Of course, the "big and strong" commentary was inevitably followed by Madden drawing two circles on the screen, followed by an arrow thrusting through the middle -- perhaps to illustrate the tight-end penetration he was talking about. In any case, it made me see John Madden in a whole new light, and made for some entertaining living room commentary of our own.


* As opposed to it being handed to them by officials.

1 comment:

Chris said...

He commented on Fitzgerald's "big strong hands" at least five times in a matter of about 20 seconds.