It's One Louder, Innit?

Many thanks to This is Spinal Tap for all the great references to eleven we can make regarding the new year, including the title of wifey's current blog entry.

It's been a busy holiday season, hence the whopping TWO entries for December.  Let me fill you in on what's been going on:

• Opened and closed It's a Wonderful Life: A Live Radio Play at Kenyon Hall, which I've talked about extensively here.
• Finished and submitted our Airship Daedalus feature for the debut issue of Mash Tun, to be released at ECC this year.
• Christmas was low-key and we did zero traveling, which led to a much nicer, calmer and less stressful holiday within the immediate family unit.  I got some DVDs (including the out-of-print Dead Can Dance Toward the Within live concert, taken from the tour Sam & I got to see in the front row on our anniversary when they played the Moore Theatre in 1993) and some cool books and some very useful gift cards, with which I got this, and this, and this.
• Hosted my family for a post-Christmas Christmas gathering on the 29th.  I baked a ham, roasted potatoes and made my specialty salad (mixed baby greens, red grapes, dried cranberries, walnuts and feta cheese with a raspberry walnut vinaigrette dressing).  My stepdad brought homemade orange cheesecake.  You know you're jealous.
• Got to have drinks with Muriel, who has the distinction of being the catalyst for Raechelle's and my meeting.  Rae tells the story in her post, and of course the whole thing is laid out in our blogs.
• Spent New Year's Eve at dinner with Steve, Steph and Isabella, followed by drinks and snacking and general merriment at Dan & Trish's with some other friends as well.  The kids went to spend the night with Uncle Gavin & Aunt Michelle in Poulsbo, playing boardgames and having fun.
• Seahawks second string QB Charlie Whitehurst (aka Clipboard Jesus), in combination with a fired-up defense and the loudest fanbase in the NFL, led our rather pitiful 7-9 team to a wildcard spot in the playoffs over the shellshocked St. Louis Rams.  Although it's great that we got the division title, here's two things to consider: 1) winning that game reduced our 7th round draft pick for next year to 21st at best; 2) Even if the Hawks can overcome New Orleans this Saturday (which is actually a possibility, given home field advantage, the aforementioned loudest fans in the NFL and a seriously injured New Orleans roster), it's doubtful.that the first team to clinch a division title with a 7-9 record can compete against the eastern division teams with their 12-4 stats and their serious-football-playing.  I hope the division title is worth it in the long run...
• Got turned on to Pomplamoose, a duo from San Francisco.  You've seen them on the Hyundai commercials.  I've been seriously inspired to record again.  Thanks a lot, you talented cuties.
• Took the kids to see Tron: Legacy.  Pros: decent follow-up to the early '80s classic, amazing visuals, good cast, amazing visuals, and amazing visuals.  Cons: major plot holes, jarring CG in the flashback scenes trying to "youthify" Jeff Bridges, major plot holes, cheesy Neo/Matrix finale... and did I mention the plot holes?

So that's pretty much how I spent my holidays.  If I have a resolution for 2011, it's to post a bit more often (and have interesting things to post about!).

Domestic Bliss

I snore.

Oh trust me, I'm well aware of the fact. When you have the build of a linebacker, including a giant resonating chamber, sometimes silence is just not an option. However, it definitely follows certain patterns: congestion adds to the problem, as does alcohol, as do the extra 5 to 10 pounds I trade on and off when I'm happy and spending more time watching HGTV with my sweetie instead of walking like I should. Breathing through my nose (sometimes with the aid of BreatheRight strips) while side-sleeping in a fetal position helps quiet the beast.

So it's not a chronic problem, but when it happens, it means a less-than-ideal night's sleep for TFMD. And I feel really bad when those nights occur. But before you pity the poor girl too much, let me mention how she unconsciously gets her revenge...

First, there's the marathon running. I don't know what she's dreaming about, but there's a lot of travel involved. Her legs go on extended strolls in place, and it's difficult not to imagine all sorts of cinematic possibilities. I'll bet she's running from vampires. Or ninja. Or ninja vampires.

There's the vocalizations, of which I too am guilty. It'll usually be a body shift and a sigh, or the last part of a conversation. Dane Cook has a funny routine on this very subject. But honestly, the sighing and half sentences are pretty cute and not nearly as disruptive as my impersonation of Mount Vesuvius erupting.

It's when she punches me in her sleep that kinda throws a damper on a restful night. Last night in fact, it was the trifecta: escape from the ninja vampires, roll over and poke... pokepoke in the arm, sigh, humph, scoot scoot, rinse and repeat.

It's ever so amusing when we trade habits as well. Sometimes she'll snore, and I'll flee the ninja vampires. Once I actually elbowed her in the eye (didn't live that one down for a couple weeks). I'm sure we both occasionally question whether the spooning is worth it.

But learning (and putting up with) each other's sleep acrobatics (or sleeprobatics) is part of any long-term relationship. Whether snoring the house down, fighting ninja vampires or sleep boxing one's partner, it's all part of the greater whole (heh... he said "greater hole"). It's all part of what our therapist calls The Dance. So she wears earplugs and I give her plenty of sprawling space. And we go merrily on.

Downing-Marsh, 2
Vampires, 0

Yessir. That's love.

Ran the Gauntlet

Seems like the last few days were chock full of people dying and reminders of people dying. Despite it all, I had a pretty phenomenal weekend.

Friday was pizza movie night with MST3K: Hercules Against The Moon Men. And since Tyler was working Norwescon hospitality with his aunt and uncle, it was just Kayleigh hangin' with the grown-ups. Then Kayleigh retreated to a project and TFMD & I put in Tropic Thunder and proceeded to laugh our asses off.

Saturday we actually slept in past 8AM, which, for anyone with kids, is a real achievement. Tyler had arrived home in the wee hours of the morning, and was cruising on about four hours of sleep. By the time Gavin arrived to take the kids to the convention, Raechelle and I were chomping at the bit to get started on our day. We'd kept the calendar clear of social obligations, thus were able to cram a lot into one afternoon. International District, Capitol Hill, Southcenter, Westwood. Many errands run, and much productivity accomplished.

Then TFMD got a bee in her bonnet and decided to cook us a yummy dinner for two. Coconut curry Basmati rice with raisins, and stir-fried greens (red chard and cilantro). And wine.

I headed down to SeaTac to pick up Kayleigh (Tyler would come home around 2AM), and we retired for the night. Only made it through the opening monologue of SNL, and didn't care enough about Zac Efron to try to stay awake.

Sunday morning, Tyler wasn't feeling well, so he stayed home from Norwescon, while Kayleigh went for her second day. There was only a slight twinge of grief, being the fourth anniversary of Sam's death. We headed over to brunch at Etta's with Doug & Ann, and had a great time. We followed it up with coffee, and then Raechelle and I took off to engage in more productivity. A quick trip up to Champion for birthday party supplies (thwarted, due to them being closed on Easter), followed by office organization and [gasp!] recording, which was the original thing that brought us together. We now have seven rough drafts, including three of Raechelle's originals, two of mine (which she's writing lyrics for) and two covers.

THEN, we shot some photos of Raechelle in her cool rocker wig which she's wearing for the rock star birthday party I'm throwing for her this coming Saturday, and I made it into a fake concert shirt and rocker pins for the party. Doug and Ann are going to be tour managers and work the door, and we have JD bringing Rock Band for our big screen. We also have some cool DJ lights and will accent the interior lighting with black light bulbs.

Anyway, it looks like the shirt design came out nicely. The fake band name is CHELLE SHOCK, and the back says WORLD TOUR 2009, with a list of cities around the world. Every city is stamped CANCELLED, except for Nestorville (WV) and Seattle.
When I step back and think about all the crazy theme preparations, it seems a bit overboard. But this is the guy who used to host custom-written mystery theme parties known as the Black Pelican Dead Man's Party & Hallowe'en Ball. Five of those suckers - from a 1930s murder mystery on five acres in Sacramento, to a 1960s secret agent fest, to a 1950s B-movie "who's got the brain?" drunken piss-up, to a pre-20th Century literary salon murder, to a pirate treasure hunt. And I haven't really been able to flex those muscles much in recent years, except maybe when helping Darlene with Chinese New Year party prep (on the rare occasions when I do help).

That, and I kinda love my woman a bit.

We grazed on nachos and I played Godspell (my annual Easter movie), but Raechelle had no frame of reference for a) Judeo-Christian history, b) musical theater, or c) 1970s folk-rock. So it was kind of lost on her. From now on, I'm thinking Monty Python's Life of Brian for Easter viewing. Because I'm sure not going to ask TFMD to sit through The Last Temptation of Christ, no matter how good I think the film is. Because I care.

Wedding prep continues. My neighbor John is selling his house, which has been partially remodeled and sitting vacant since his own marriage to a woman with a home closer to his job. He made a rare appearance yesterday, and got all misty when I told him Raechelle and I were getting married. He brought over hand-picked tulips from his yard and thanked Raechelle for being in my life. It was sweet.

Kayleigh came home from Norwescon with a lot of stories and some swag. We retired to the bedroom for Sunday animation, and conked out pretty hard. For a weekend with nothing on the calendar, it turned out to be pretty intensely packed with lots of good stuff, and a big sense of accomplishment.

Plowin' Through

I guess I'm better under fire than I give myself credit for when facing down a week as packed as this. But here I am, checking off the to-do list and shuttling people and appointments all around. I feel a bit like The Colonel...



The shoot is this Saturday. I'm a bit nervous, but it's the good butterflies I always get before a shoot.

Rae's innards are apparently not to be worried about at this point in time, so that's nice. We dropped the kids at Tae Kwon Do yesterday and walked across the street to Prost! for a wee happy hour of our own. I had an Oktoberfest and TFMD had a V&T. It reminded us of the picture of our deoderants in the medicine cabinet. And of course of our actual relative dimensions.

Anyhoo, we're celebrating 9 months together today. Doesn't seem like a long time at all, but then again, so much has happened in such a short period. Craziness.

That's all I've got for now. Anon.

(Welcome to) Hell Week

The weekend was a lot fuller than we'd anticipated, even with the subtraction of the Always... Patsy Cline show at ACT (I've never been there, and the Google directions were way off, so we changed our tickets). It meant that we actually had a little down time before running off to dinner at Kyle & Mandi's. I love having them as friends, and talking shop is always fun. Kyle played us some of the new Collider CD, and I complimented him on how "in-his-element" he sounded.

Sunday was coffee with Ron, followed by decorating and prep for the Oscar party I volunteered to host. I have GOT to stop volunteering to host every gathering that comes up - it's just that I love to host gatherings, and it's so much easier to worry about childcare when you're in your own home. We had seven people plus the two of us, all eating, drinking and guessing on the awards.

And now we begin a week so packed with stuff I can't think straight and my head gets all swimmy. Kids start Tae Kwon Do. Both have counseling. Kayleigh has after school programs. Tyler has a doctor appointment and full blood panel. We have a family dinner in Ballard, a Costco run for supplies for Saturday's shoot, and a production meeting for said shoot, plus another dinner on Friday. Madness, I tell ya.

And then there's the issue of TFMD's cervix. I wasn't gonna blog about this, but since she laid it out there, I will just add that it's got me worried. Not because I think anything IS wrong, but due to my experience with cancer, what COULD be wrong. I know better than to dwell there, but I'm not gonna lie and say it hasn't crossed my mind. I offered to take her to her appointment today, but she opted for the best-girlfriend option and that's cool. I knew she was a bit freaked yesterday when she came home from dress shopping. We have a few things on the schedule this evening, but hopefully we can retire early.

Lots going on in both of our noggins, to be sure. I just want to get through the week and burn some tape* on Saturday.

"burn some tape" = shoot a movie

Au Revoir, Semaine de Merde

Goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye...

- Oingo Boingo

I think that gets the message across. This has been one of the crappiest weeks on record, as judged by emotional/stress benchmarks. No sleep leads to bitchiness, bitchiness leads to fighting, fighting leads to no sleep. It's been an all-time low in terms of self-image and other personal issues. But I've never been one to wallow for long. At some point, you just gotta say enough already.

So, enough already.

Oh, there have been good points. I've been very productive on the household, wedding, admin and work fronts. I have my tax info together (the earliest ever, post-Samantha). I have a short film project ready to shoot next month (the first of four Duo shorts). My attorney is filing suit against the guilty parties in the St. Valentine's Day Fire of '06 - so we may finally see some sort of restitution there. I'm relatively healthy. I get to have a boys' night out tonight. These things are not lost on me. It's just that the crap is opaque and makes it hard to see much else.

Hoping that I can reconnect and reset over the weekend, and get back to a generally positive tack (as opposed to staying becalmed in an Arctic chill).

I remain hopeful. If I didn't, I certainly wouldn't have kept a blog going for the last four years. But I'm glad I have. It keeps me honest.

Onward.

Weekend Update

For a relatively packed weekend, it felt really nice and relaxing. Friday was a comedy double feature, for which Raff joined us. Some really yummy import beer, pizza, and laughing, which fortunately set the tone for the weekend.

Saturday started out with a trip to Southcenter to find the girl a nice black dress to wear for the wedding that night. Afternoon was a lot of cleaning and organizing, and TBGE actually made a huge dent in Tyler's room. Watched a little college ball, then got all gussied for Nichole & Dan's wedding out in Maple Valley. So yeah, if you're from the big city and not used to driving around the sticks at night, and the directions don't list distances... let's just say there was some extra driving around. The sticks. At night.

Anyway, it was a lovely ceremony full of humor, followed by food and alcohol. What's not to love? And just being there with Raechelle seemed to have an effect on both of us, in the best way. It was a good night. We danced to Jason Mraz - I'm Yours for the couples' dance.

Sunday morning, Ron came by and shot some more pics of us, my favorite of which is proudly sported on TBGE's blog. Then we had some Taco Del Mar and watched the Hawks/Skins game (gah!), and actually slept through the entire third quarter cuddled up on the sofa.

Sunday night consisted of the weekly grocery shopping, checkbook balancing, cleaning and school/work prep. Throughout the entire weekend, there were fits of laughter which left our ribs aching and our cheeks paralyzed. I can't even remember the context, but it wouldn't matter if I did - so much of what we laugh at is "had to be there" stuff anyway. I don't remember laughing so much in a single 48-hour period. It was like all of our 2-hour phone calls from the early part of our courtship rolled into one weekend.

Which brings me to a special fact about today.

[mushy alert]

Six months ago, Raechelle met me at the Harvard Exit theater, walked right up to me, said "green light" and planted a big ol' kiss on my lips. We've been at this relationship thing ever since. And I think we got a lot of the angst and speedbumps out of the way early, because it sure feels a lot more relaxed and fun now - and it just keeps getting better.

So, happy six months, babe. Looking forward to many more.

[/mushy alert]

Another Weekend

Yes, another weekend has come and gone, and although born in angst, it quickly righted itself and became a closely bonding experience. We're both getting to the point of being able to keep our flight impulse at bay when having an argument - and I think it's mostly due to the fact that it feels like we've been together longer than 5 months. We've both invested so much in a relatively short period of time, it puts us in the perspective of "well, let's not be hasty and dump it all - this is worth sorting out..." After all, one of the necessary skills in any successful relationship is learning how to argue constructively.

To recap, Friday night was It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! and The Prophecy (wherein it was suggested that Eric Stoltz might play me in the Cameron Crowe/Nora Ephron movie of our relationship). Trish and Dan joined us, and for the first time, Shaun made an appearance at the festivities. We made him welcome, and hopefully he'll come hang with us again.

Then the aforementioned tiff occurred, and enough of a peace was forged that nobody went to sleep angry... however:

I awoke at 2AM, drifted in and out of consciousness, and was clobbered by an intense migraine at 3:30 in the bloody AM. Came upstairs to medicate and try to let Raechelle get some sleep without me groaning and muttering expletives. Finally achieved a state of relative equilibrium and trundled downstairs to get back in my own bed about an hour before we had to get up and take Ruby to the dealership for some basic maintenance.

I was not in good shape Saturday.

Things from the previous night were already on the mend, however, so I didn't have to shoulder the worry of an angry girlfriend on top of a killer migraine, no sleep and an empty stomach. We dropped Ruby at the dealership and got a loaner. I was not aware that Hyundai made anything that ginormous. I think it's their equivalent of the Kia Sorento. Anyway, we got brunch at Shari's, and I felt much better. We walked to JoAnn fabrics and got some Halloween stuff. A quick trip to Home Depot for a flat-nosed shovel, an additional clothes rod for the master closet, and an outdoor push broom, and then back to the dealership to rescue Ruby.

We had a quick spot o' tea with Don, Marcia and Ben, Raechelle's ex-family-in-sin. Ben is homeschooled/unschooled, and is an amazing kid of Tyler's age. We picked their brains on the homeschooling/unschooling thing, and a huge new world opened up for me as a parent. We borrowed some books on the subject and are doing some research. Nevertheless, by this point in the afternoon, I was hitting a wall and needed to crash out for awhile. We came home, I turned on some random college football game and promptly fell asleep for an hour and a half.

Other than a trip to SCT for a very funny and well-done production of Night of the Living Dead, it was a quiet night. We stayed in, had leftovers and a little wine, and watched a whole disc of Buffy. With the kids. There may have been popcorn involved as well. It was madness. Then we went to bed, caught the first half hour of SNL, and crashed until after 9AM. Buh?? How is this possible, TD? you may ask. And yeah - I know, right? But it's true!

Sunday consisted of cleaning, then an expedition to Red Light on Broadway and the giant Goodwill on Dearborn. Which is where we happened to find a 4-drawer metal filing cabinet for the office (which usually retail for $200+) for $15. And here is where I must tell a little story...

I never find anything to wear at Goodwill, because I'm 6'4" tall and shuffle around on a pair of size 13 feet. So when we walked into the joint and were greeted with a couple racks of leather jackets, my browsing was completely in the realm of, "Gee, what to they have for everyone in the world but ME?". So imagine my surprise when I found this:

A 19th century style black suede "frock coat". Size: XL. Great condition. Easily $300 new. My price: $30. Gotta love Goodwill. The coat, combined with the black ruffle shirt, purple vest and black boots from Red Light (along with some snug trousers and a couple long canine tooth appliances), will give me a nice Byronic vampire persona for Halloween. Very vampire-pimp (or "vimp") if you will. And Raechelle got herself a doozy of a red & black cancan dress that can do double-duty as a pirate wench ensemble when needed - but for Halloween, she's my #1 vampire-ho. Love it! Tyler has said he's going to be a ninja. I don't know if that means he's going to do a black costume, or just disappear all night. And Kayleigh is going as the character Willow from Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

Anyway, once we were back, I muscled in the file cabinet by myself, which was stupid and which Raechelle lectured me about. Fortunately I didn't pull, pop, strain or otherwise burst anything. Then Doug and Ann came over for the Hawks game, and we ate pizza and cried in our Thomas Kemper root beer as the Buccs played circles around the clueless Seahawks. I blame the new training facility. The players have descibed it as "spa-like". I think it's made 'em soft. That and an ungodly number of injuries this season.

We headed off to bed to fold laundry and get kids tucked in, and had a good night's sleep for Monday. It's a new week, and it's jam-packed with social obligations. And that is why we had to un-schedule some stuff for this upcoming weekend. We need to seriously prep the house for Rae's move in, which is coming up in three weeks. And the weekend after this one is our Celtic New Year party (wherein we wear our vamp regalia). So every spare moment is going to be Rae packing her apartment and me making room here.

And although I'm just a tad scared of the whole move-in thing, I've been getting plenty of positive reinforcement from the Universe, and I say bring it.

Not Immune

So it appears I'm not immune to the same cold feet the girl has been describing. For the past several days, I've been stressing in the back of my mind, wondering "is this The One?", "is this the right time?", "is it what I want?", and always, "if it doesn't work out, will my kids ever forgive me?"

She called last night, a pretty mushy phone conversation, and I expressed what I'd been feeling. And what do you know? Far from being a deal-breaker, it's actually a bonding phenomenon. We both know it's good, both know it's right, both feel the strange hand of the Universe guiding us along with the velvet ropes.

I actually took a major step (internally) today, and I told Raechelle when we went to lunch at Duke's. Things are really happening, and sometimes I feel like we're just being whisked along for the ride. And it occurred to me that every good thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life has felt exactly like this - and that did a lot to warm my cold feet.

It's exciting. It's scary as hell (because of what it represents). And it's really, really good.

Anniversaries and Birthdays

Paul Newman died, and today would have been my 18th wedding anniversary. Yeah, I'm a bit down (I'm allowed, thank you), but I'm also not so focused there anymore. A lot is going well in my life, and I choose to focus on that to a great extent. So while I raise a glass in spirit to Samantha on this day, she knows I have good things in front of me and don't need to dwell in the past.

TBGE wrote up her experience of hosting 11 year old girls for a slumber party, so I won't duplicate. But I will say that it was pretty much my experience from the last 3 birthdays (and she did an awesome job being the mom/host). This time, however, I got to go downstairs with a Guinness and my painting supplies, and transform the bedroom while I watched football. The Stanford-UW game was sufficiently close enough not to be an embarrassment (Card won). Saw some of the WVU-Marshall game highlights (WVU won), and probably the biggest news in the Pac 10 was that Oregon State beat USC for the first time since the 1960s, and University of Oregon slaughtered Washington State 63-14. Oregon has come to kick some ass and chew some gum, and apparently they're out of gum.

Sunday started with the usual coffee-with-Ron tradition (the lady at the check-out counter at B&N recognized us as we entered - "Wouldn't be Sunday without ya!"), but we'd arranged to cut out early so that Raechelle could take off for some Kim time. While Raechelle was gone, I took the opportunity to paint the last wall in the bedroom, catch the Kansas City-Denver game (while painting), and do some yard work in the front. I felt very industrious.

(Two shades of tan now compliment the steel blue carpet
and oak Mission furniture)

Raechelle came home and oohed and ahhed at the progress (which is why I do it, ya know). We cuddled up for a bit (between the painting, yard work and not hydrating, I was exhausted), watched some of the Chicago-Philadelphia game, made some dinner, watched some Buffy season 1, then put the kids to bed and collapsed.

It was a good weekend. Barriers were crossed, strides were made. Raechelle gave me a huge validation in her blog which actually made me a bit misty. Things are good.

This week, we have much to celebrate. Happy hour for Rae's last couple days in her old job, Kayleigh's actual birthday and family dinner Tuesday night, and on Friday, I'm taking Raechelle to Port Townsend for a weekend at the Ann Starrett Mansion. Look at us go.

Open House

After a craptacular morning yesterday, I got home and tried to write. No luck. Funny how fighting with your teenager can take all the wind out of your sails. I burned a bunch of CDs I'd promised the girl, ran a couple errands and crashed out for a much needed 2-1/2 hour nap.

I felt better, and was looking forward to counseling. Unfortunately it turned out to be a waste of time and money. Tyler kept playing with a helium balloon he'd found out in front of the community center, rolling around on the floor, and deflecting the counselor's questions. When both kids lapsed into a giggle fit, I gave up. Don't get me wrong - I love to see my kids happy. I live for those giggle fits. But I was also hoping we could make some progress on Tyler and his relationship with others in his family. Alas, it was not to be.

Got home with a black cloud over my head. Discovered Raechelle reading her book on the sofa. We chatted awhile, then walked down to grab some teryaki before walking up to Denny for Kayleigh's open house.

Let me reiterate: Raechelle went to my daughter's open house. She took notes and talked to the teachers. She's dissected the school website. She knows when picture day is. It's pretty damn close to being a real family.

I won't lie. Sometimes I see where we're going and I panic a little. You see, there's a bit of a security blanket to being a widower, a single dad. There's some social leeway in that status. You get sympathy. You get help. You can be antisocial at your whim and people chalk it up to grief. And there's also the fact that I got used to being a single dad. Sure, it's hard; it's damn near overwhelming sometimes. But I got to where I not only could do it, but I'm pretty proud of the fact that I navigated my own immediate grief while providing a loving and stable home for my kids, helped them through their grief (as much as I could), ran my household and a couple businesses, and even managed to date. For over three years. I kick ass.

So I have some idea as to what Raechelle is talking about - she finally got out of her "couple" identity and became a strong, single woman. And now, here we are. I guess the Universe doesn't tolerate getting too comfortable in a given situation.

At least Raechelle isn't the only one having mini-freakouts. Kind of evens the playing field. This is exactly what each of us wants... which is why it's so scary sometimes. It's the crest of the rollercoaster, just before the first drop. You know it's gonna be fun. And scary. And your stomach wants to crawl into your throat (and if you're a guy, your nuts want to follow suit).

It's a good panic.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch:
After Raechelle left, I finished up some emails and put the kids to bed, following suit immediately. Awoke at 4AM. Jeez. Finally rolled out of bed at 6, showered and dressed. Took Kayleigh to school, came home and crashed for an hour and a half. Exchanged some emails with the girl and finished this very blog post. Tyler's having some cold symptoms, so it's lucky I'm taking the kids in for physicals today.

Really looking forward to the weekend. Helping Dan & Trish move, looking at a couple houses, and of course there will be movies.

Crankypants

Some mornings really make you question whether or not you have the skills to be a parent. This was one of those mornings. Tyler was (and is) slipping into the same patterns that got him in trouble last year, and I refused to let it slide. It came to the point of physically removing him from the car in front of the school, locking the doors and driving away as he punched the passenger side window.

It's like taking a kid who knows how to swim and throwing him in the deep end, hoping to God you've motivated him enough to keep himself from drowning.

Hence the parental skill quandary. Grrrrrr.

I did have a fantastic evening with Raechelle last night, courtesy of Gavin & Michelle, who swooped in at the last minute to cover for the sitter who had to bail out. After wandering all over Fremont for twenty minutes, we finally found "parking". Walked to dinner at Blue C, then hoofed it to ToST (a comfy little dive) to watch Paul Benoit do a fantastic set. I talked to him afterward, and he's interested in licensing music for our film projects. We exchanged info, he comped me some CDs (I'd already bought his first one online), and Raechelle sat there amazed at my schmoozing superpower. "Magnetic," I think she said.

My girlfriend called me "magnetic". That's awesome.

Counseling with the kids today (and not a moment too soon), then we have Kayleigh's school open house tonight - and Raechelle is coming to that. Gee, I think she's getting to like our family, as weird as we are.

Or maybe it's just because I'm magnetic.

(Only) Three Months? Really?

[extreme mushy alert!]

So, yeah. Yesterday marked three months of Raechelle and me actually officially exclusively dating (although we'd been nurturing something for a month prior to that). And, like her, I feel like it's been years. There's a familiarity there, an inherent trust and comfort I've never had before.

We had a swanky, intimate dinner at Salty's, looking out over Elliott Bay and the Seattle skyline. We had some great laughs and conversations, and she informed me about her mushy post, which I hadn't seen. She spent the night, and I sent her off to work with a latte and croissant (I have a rep to uphold, ya know). TBBE - that's me.

So now I'm sitting at my desk with coffee in hand, having read my girl's blog post and feeling all warm and fuzzy (despite nursing a bunch of strained muscles in my left leg due to an encounter with my suitcase in the dark last night - time for Ibuprofen and an ice pack). I know I said the new blog was not going to be therapy like the old one, but I feel compelled to add my own experience of the relationship.

I love the picture she paints of the kids and me, standing at the end of the path, waiting for her to join us. But that's not entirely the case from my vantage point. The kids are totally there, but I'm not with them.

When Samantha died, I experienced the ultimate betrayal. The loss of my closest confidant and best friend. And while I can see my relationship with Raechelle beginning to take flight on wings of its own, I'm still wary and guarded. She knows this.

I also find myself dealing with trauma long past... again... triggered from having to build a new relationship and new trust from the ground up. We both have baggage, and that's frustrating, but you don't get to 40 and 33 respectively without baggage. It's just a fact of life. We both acknowledge this, and as she says, we're doing a great job getting it all squared away.

It's big, this Relationship thing (notice the capital R). Bigger than either of us individually. I know it's good, and solid, and right. Even so, I'm still poking along my own path, sorting through my own triggers and baggage, looking for the crossroads where she and I can meet, and proceed along a new path together. And where I have admittedly far more long-term relationship experience, I certainly don't feel as though I own the path. This is just as new for me as it is for her. It's a big step to invite a woman into my life, to share my home and my children and my social life, to give up a modicum of the control I maintain as a solo parent. I'm very willing to do it, but it takes time to become comfortable with the notion, even as much as I dislike solo parenting and being without a 24/7 partner. I hate that dichotomy, and tend to beat myself up for dragging my feet. My "gatekeepers" are cheering me on as much as they are cheering Raechelle.

So I think it's accurate to say we're both a bit gun-shy. I'm not tapping my foot or checking the time, and I'm certainly not pressuring Raechelle (or myself) to move any more quickly than is comfortable for either of us. And the less pressure, the faster we end up moving. It's weird, but very cool. It's a strange dynamic that will give us much to laugh about in the coming years.

That said, I too am 100% in love with the girl, and committed to whatever the future holds for us. She did a great job in the "parent pool" and with my gatekeepers, and the kids were really great the whole time - not one major meltdown all week!

I am confident that we have many more anniversaries ahead, and the next few months will speed by before we know it.

We're Back!

Man, what a week, and I'm still on vacation, damnit!

Thursday afternoon, we went to the Winchester Mystery House. We had a guide who was a cross between Charles Nelson Reilly and Peter Cook from The Princess Bride (you know, "Mawwage"). It was cool to look at all of the changes that have been done since I was there last (which I think was before the 1989 Loma Prieta quake).

We headed back briefly to Chez Creth, then drove out to Woodside, to the home of Mark and Liz, and their twin boys Alec and Max. It was good to chill with Mark & Liz again, and the boys are getting huge.

Friday we made a plan to not make any plans. We slept late, slobbed around in our jammies until Noon, went swimming at the Chez Creth pool, then Raechelle and I drove around Palo Alto a bit. I felt strangely detached, and was actually very happy to have her there to show her the places that had once meant something to me, but no longer hold any magic. We went back, had pizza and watched The Lost Boys. It's good to know my girlfriend can quote the entire screenplay. I knew there was a geek in there somewhere.

We woke by 9AM this morning, got packed up and back to the airport. Upgraded again (so worth it!), and had a calm, uneventful flight. Caught a taxi home and found that some of the basics had been neglected by the house sitter, but at least the pets were alive and happy to see us. Raechelle saw my darkened mood and cleaned my kitchen before heading home for the night. Kayleigh and I went to Elliott Bay for dinner (vacation, remember?), grabbed some pet supplies and breakfast stuff for tomorrow, and headed home.

Speaking of tomorrow, I have coffee with Ron, and then dinner reservations at Salty's that evening. Raechelle and I are celebrating 3 months and still going strong.

I'll let her talk about her experience traveling with me and two children, but I can say from my observations it was generally positive for both of us. She got a taste of parenthood (with the authority to go with it), and got to meet my "gatekeepers" (and she was welcomed heartily by all). We both got a taste of close quarters 24/7 living, and we not only survived 7 days together, I daresay we liked it. As long as we can take off together as a couple once in awhile, put the parent identity aside for a breather every now and then, I think we're both in a good space and continuing forward with a positive attitude.

Chris and Beth were simply phenomenal hosts, and I will miss hanging out with them (thank you so much, you guys!), but just the same, it's good to be home.

The whole flickr photo set is here.

California, Mid-Week Update

Color Key:
Red = Todd
Purple = Raechelle

Saturday 8/16

Being the efficient and organized travelers we are, we were up bright and early and waiting for the SUV from the towncar company when it arrived (and already one latte (latte latte latte!) and/or giant iced tea ahead of the game). We got through security without a hitch, grabbed some food from the airport Starbucks (latte #2 for Raechelle (LATTE LATTE LATTE!), giant iced tea #2 for Todd). The kids amused themselves with their Nintendo DS thingies while the adults sat around giggling, hopped up on caffeine (heart=exploding).

Then the Alaska Airlines lady got on the PA and said they were offering $50 upgrades to first class. It took us about 30 seconds to decide to go for it. All four of us. Kids together at the bulkhead, adults together in the last row. Best $200 spent. EVER. How can we ever go back to coach?

I will not hesitate to fly first class whenever possible. As my good friend Ferris Bueller says, "If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up." Two beers and two glasses of wine later (feelin' groovy, baby.), we landed safely in San Jose, got our luggage and took the transport bus to the rental car place. They were out of our booked mid-size car, so we were upgraded to the GMC version of the Saturn Vue for free. Comfy, leather seats, smooth ride, and an auxiliary jack for Raechelle's iPod. Sweet.

We got to Chris & Beth's place in the afternoon and got settled. Then we all headed over to Andrea's 40th b-day party, where we saw a few old high school friends including Jed, Abi, Becky, Paul & Marte. Raechelle wowed them all. Of course I did. I even wore a pirate bandana to fit in with the cool kids. Did you know I was dating a pirate? Arr.

Sunday 8/17

Went over to the Hyatt for brunch with Sam's parents, which was a bit tense for Raechelle and me, but she managed quite well, and I did gauge their general approval (which is neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things, but was nice nonetheless).

Yes, a bit tense, but really not a bad thing. Really.

Then Randy met us back at Chez Creth, and we piled into the rent-a-rig for our trip over the hill to Santa Cruz. And I read a book on the drive. Didn't even throw up. We met up with Dave Beach and his kids downtown at Pacific Garden Mall, grabbed something to eat and chilled for a bit at Atlantis Fantasyworld, the comic shop at which I spent much of my early adolescence. Joe has been running the place for decades. He's a Santa Cruz celebrity, a singer/songwriter, advocate for prostate cancer awareness, and all around cool "uncle". He even remembered me. With Dave and Randy there, it was a mini reunion.

As an aside, for those who know the film The Lost Boys, Atlantis was the comic shop featured in the movie as the hangout of the Frog Brothers. In fact, Joe is in the background (with his bushy black beard, which is now white). In the interest of accuracy, it was the original store and not the current location that was actually used in the film. But still. And Joe gave me a copy of his folk CD, and I gave him a copy of OA.

The Lost Boys is one of my absolute favorite movies, by the way. When Todd asked if I wanted to go to Santa Cruz, my first questions was "Isn't that where Lost Boys was filmed?!" My only request for this trip was to see the Boardwalk. And to see a vampire. That's all. Really.

We drove around Aptos for awhile and then headed down to meet my uncle Russell and his wife Gah neh na, (herein known as "Sally", cause it's easier for me) his son Aaron and his wife, his other son Noah and his girlfriend for dinner at a nice little Mexican place in Seascape (very close to where I used to live). Then we all drove out to Russell's place in the Santa Cruz hills.

It's a gorgeous property with 360-degree privacy, beautiful bird-friendly gardens, a waterfall, a hot tub, outdoor shower, flagstone walkways... an island of serenity with views of Monterey Bay from the back deck.

Holy crap, talk about a retreat. We saw a mama deer with her two babies on the drive up, oodles of birds, and Russell said they've even had a mountain lion wander across their deck. While they were sitting in the hot tub. It's like Wild Kingdom, I tell ya.

Speaking of Russell, the man has got some stories. And you'd swear he's making them up, until you see the pictures. One of him touching a rhino's horn. One of a charging lion (that he almost peed on). One of of him hugging a tiger. My new favorite joke is, when Todd mentions Russell, I say "So, this one time I was on a Mayan temple......" And he was. He has pictures.

Monday 8/18

We awoke to fog and hummingbirds outside the window, and spent a leisurely morning with Russell et al, eating fresh pastries from Gayle's, drinking tea and watching the birds at the feeders. It was well after Noon when we got ourselves organized and down to the Boardwalk. There were no vampires. Crap. We ate some corn dogs and fries, and the kids and Randy rode some rides. I took Raechelle on The Cave Train, which is possibly the lamest, cheesiest ride in amusement park history, but it's one of those things that's so bad it must be experienced. Only for my man.....

We packed up and headed back over the hill to Chez Creth, and Tyler bowed out of dinner. Raechelle, Kayleigh and I joined Randy for dinner at Frankie, Johnny & Luigi's. Then Randy went home to Rocklin.

Tuesday 8/19

We took a well-deserved rest, sleeping late. I slept until 9am! Just like old times! We were on the road to Half Moon Bay by about 2PM. Raechelle got to see some beautiful views to and from, and we had the pleasure of sitting in a traffic jam (from a wild fire being seen to). Once in Half Moon Bay, we (hit a wall of fog. Sunny behind us. Fog in front of us. Bathing suit....and a sweater.) found a pretty empty section of beach, and toodled there awhile among the throngs of pelicans (I don't know what a flock of pelicans actually is, but man were there throngs of them). BIRDS EVERYWHERE. Actually, these weren't so scary. I've never seen a pelican before. Other than on Finding Nemo. Tyler even took his shirt off and body surfed awhile. It was only on the way back to the car that we saw this sign.

Back in Santa Clara, we met up with my buddy Hans (freakin' hysterical) and he and Raechelle and I went to Indian food, followed by a few drinks at the Boardwalk sports bar in Mountain View.

Wednesday 8/20

Another late morning (I love vacation!). Kids didn't even stir until noon. Raechelle and I found some beach towels on sale at Ross, then stopped at Chili's for lunch and a margarita, and some quality mushy adult time. Then Beth, Julia, Tyler, Kayleigh, Raechelle and I walked to the pool. Only Tyler had borrowed and then left my swim trunks at the beach in Half Moon Bay, so I couldn't go in. It was the capper on a crappy day (a bunch of technical and mundane stuff I won't go into). But I got in the pool! In my new bathing suit! Of which there are no pics. Wait. I think Todd actually got a pic of it at the beach. D'oh!

But it was redeemed by our evening jaunt up to Menlo Park to visit Steven Fox and his girlfriend Angela. He took us out to dinner at Jeffrey's (a sort of retro burger joint). There were milkshakes. And they were good. Now we're back at Chez Creth and winding down. Have a full couple of days left to go.

Joy.

So apparently, I'm not supposed to sleep at all tonight. It would be funny if it weren't so terribly sad.

Let's back up...

Had a bad case of crossed wires with the girl tonight. Turns out to be a mutual misunderstanding, but it meant disrupting normal evening activities for the both of us (apologies to Jamie, Tyler & Kayleigh). Unfortunately it also left me with that "unresolved conflict knot" in the pit of my stomach.

Of course it didn't help that as I was driving home from Raechelle's, I saw a streaking man (as in bare-ass nekkid) finishing his run around the block to the crowd of howling men and women at the bar. So that was imprinted on my brain.

In terms of getting to sleep, strike one.

Just as I was relaxing enough to drift off, a handful of guys decided to make a bunch of noise in the Westwood parking lot, sounding like they were throwing wood pallets against the asphalt and yelling about what a cool thing they were doing.

Strike two.

Fortunately a patrol from the Southwest Precinct rolls through every hour or so, and the group seemed to disperse. And just as the noise ceased and I started to drift off again... I heard the unmistakable whine of a mosquito above my left ear.

Strike three.

So I'm wide awake with the light on, having already done several close examinations of all the walls and ceiling expanse in a fruitless search for said mosquito. The noisy bunch outside has dispersed, but I still have a small knot in my stomach and I hope the issue with the girl will be resolved without major trauma (I think it will). Probably a good thing I have a packed schedule tomorrow... er, today. Some time offline to think and process.

And the noisy bunch has returned. Come on, SPD. Some of us folks gotta get up in a few hours.

Pink Vespa & Imperfection as Desirable

Two things, completely unrelated:

1) I just saw a fortysomething woman on a pink classic Vespa. With a pink helmet. And a matching pink leather Euro-style long motorcycle jacket. The all-pink Vespa lady. So that was awesome.

2) I had the option of spending slightly more on a brand new replacement ring from Ireland and waiting 5 days for arrival, or have the local jeweler insert a small... well... insert in the current ring, as the knotwork is too delicate to stretch up in size. Which would mean there would be a small break in the knotwork (which can easily be worn under the finger, palm-side). But it would be the original ring, and it would symbolize the fact that no relationship is perfect, and they take work. I kinda like that. Plus, it'll be ready for the weekend and I'm an impatient bastard.

No, wait. Three things:

3) Looks like we're going to California for a week in late August.

Dark Knight, Bright New Day

Friday wasn't exactly a promising opening act to a wonderful weekend. Rae was still feeling dark and moody, but perked up when I handed her a glass of wine and a promise ring (of sorts) from Ireland. Tyler had already opted to spend the night at Uncle Gavin's, so our nuclear family was short one neutron. But then Dan & Trish had their evening cut short and called to see if movies were still on the agenda (well... YEAH), and so they arrived with pie.

Raechelle happier, Dan & Trish bring pie - weekend just got better.

After showing Hellboy, the Heinrichs left, Kayleigh went to bed, and Rae and I talked late into the night, mostly about the stuff I mentioned in the last post. It's amazing how valuable a very detailed discussion like that can be. So now she knows my history and understands me more fully, and it's much easier for me to break it down and put it away this time, because I've already done it once before. So that's good.

Raechelle and Todd back in sync - weekend got even better.

Saturday was a whirlwind of activity. Up for coffee and croissants at Starbucks, then we all piled into Sportacus and looked at three houses in the local area. It was kind of a primer, a dipping of the toe in the pool. We're in no hurry, but if we find the perfect home in this soft market, I want to take advantage of the opportunity. Our agent is a woman from the local Keller Williams office, whom my mom referred. She's also Dan & Trish's agent.

Looking at houses with my kids and my girl - better and better.

Then a quick lunch at Subway, and over to Gavin's to drop the kids for the afternoon and evening. They had their regular Star Wars RPG going on, and Kayleigh was invited to join in, so they were quite happy to ditch Dad for the day. Raechelle and I headed back up into north Seattle for Milo's 1st birthday party. He's a cutie, for sure. And it was cool meeting his parents and a handful of folks from Raechelle's crowd. Met The Ex (Steve), which was not nearly as awkward as it could have been, as we'd already done some preliminary handshaking through email, and the fact that his girlfriend lives blocks away from me and knows my son's school principal socially certainly didn't hurt matters.

Meeting The Ex not turning out awkward or messy - better and better.

We hung out for an hour and a half, then came home to change and head downtown to grab some Mexican at Mama's with JD, then over to The Big Picture for a showing of The Dark Knight, with alcohol. Good movie - no, great movie, in that it took Batman out of the comics and made a solid action movie with compelling characters and a decent plot. I kinda thought it ran a little long and ended too many times, but I see what they were trying to accomplish, so really can't fault the production too much. I still think Iron Man is the best comic book movie made to date, but The Dark Knight is probably the best "break out" movie based on a comic.

Mexican food + Batman + alcohol = better and better.

Came back and got the kids from Gavin's, then came home and everyone crashed hard. Let Raechelle sleep in while I went to grab coffee with Ron. Came back to find a couple cute chicks (one of them a hot brunette I've been dating and for whom I brought a latte) making French toast in my kitchen. I partook of the goodness.

Hot brunette making me French toast - so much better.

I could tell Raechelle had a plan. She gets this look in her eyes that says, "I'm going to organize something." Well today it was my entire downstairs hallway. Some of you who have followed the old blog may remember that it had been lined on either side with fire salvage boxes and culminated at the giant pile o' laundry. In four hours with the kids at friends' houses and/or grandparents' swimming pools, she and I totally transformed the lower hall, reduced the number of boxes by about 95%, and decimated the laundry pile.

My girlfriend is a cleaning/organizing fiend, and it inspires me - just gets better and better.

We took a break from the cleaning and went back up to Ballard, as we had to pick up Kayleigh and drop by Rae's so she could get some clothes for work tomorrow. Because she still had a project to do at my house and was taking another step by staying an additional night... a work night.

She's taking steps - better than better!

Took Raechelle and Kayleigh to dinner at a newish Italian place in Ballard, headed home to fold laundry and finsih R's organizational project, and she finally declared herself "done". Then she went to take a well-deserved jacuzzi. I'm tired out, but sooooo very happy at how we transformed my downstairs in a single day!

Yep, this just keeps getting better and better.

PSBTW (that's "P.S. By The Way, a fun little redundancy we throw around down our way), I realize the prior post was full of emotional whatever, and I want my readers to know that a: I'm doing great; and b: I'm not going to be spilling my emotional guts on the Life 2.0 blog like I did with Rhymes With Drowning. RWD was my therapy blog. Life 2.0 is my What's Going on in Todd's Life Right Now blog, and from here on out I intend to stick pretty much to the simple facts.

Epiphanies, Breakthroughs and Beer

Yesterday began with getting Tyler to school, and it didn't let up until I crashed at 1:30AM this morning.

Got email correspondence and some graphics hunting done, the latter for Gavin's first project management gig with Deep7. Exercised and showered. Made a bank deposit. Got sushi at the new and improved QFC deli, where there is now a dedicated (and actually Japanese) sushi chef on hand. Two sushi trays and two green teas were half what I would have paid at Subway for sandwiches. And since both Raechelle and I have spent way too much this month on dating and generally going out, half is a good thing... and it made her happy.

We had a nice picnic out by Lake Union. Too brief, but baking in the sun ain't exactly the best idea for this Celtic warrior. Grabbed an Italian soda at Uptown Espresso by the West Seattle Bridge, as I had a few minutes to kill and didn't want to drive all the way home and then drive all the way back to the bridge for my counseling appointment. Got a text from Dan about the Duo pitch. No news to share yet.

Had a really eye-opening counseling session, just one on one. Much to ponder and process, all of it very encouraging. Raechelle and I will have a few things to discuss this weekend. Came home and checked email, made an appointment to look at a couple houses on Saturday. Dashed off with Tyler to the Charlestown for dinner with Mom, Bob & Gavin. After that, we drove by one of the houses on our list and took a look at the outside. Even though my mom isn't our agent (she referred an awesome lady in the local office), she's keeping pretty hands-on with pulling possible homes from the MLS reports.

Then Tyler and I headed up to Ballard, with a brief detour down First Ave to the El Gaucho, inside which is a cool little 21-and-over movie theater with a full bar where they run first run films (The Big Picture). I got two of the last four tickets for the Saturday night showing of The Dark Knight. Raechelle and I are double-dating with JD and Alison.

In Ballard, we picked up Kayleigh from Katherine's place, where she'd been hanging out all day, swimming and cycling. We dropped by Raechelle's apartment and hung out for a few minutes.

Once at home, the kids took Wiley for a walk. and by the time they got back, I could tell all hell was going to break loose. Screaming, whining, provoking... flip-flops were thrown, tears were shed. Tyler and I had words. Tyler was proactive and called Gavin himself so that he could be removed from the house and get a breather. I got Kayleigh ready for bed, had a couple beers and vented on the phone to Raechelle, who was incredibly supportive and soothing. We hung up and I went back upstairs to finish up for the day.

More email, more beer. Crashed at the aforementioned 1:30AM. Awoke at 6:30AM. Gah.

Today should hopefully be calmer, since Tyler is usually somewhat contrite after these meltdowns. And there were three aspects to this one that made it easier than some of the more extreme ones in the past: 1) it's been some time since his last removal to Gavin's house; 2) he initiated it, which shows that he is more self-aware regarding when he needs a break; 3) it was quite a bit milder than previous outbursts.

So that was my day... that, and something humorous and bizarre which requires a second post.

Today's Horoscope

Taurus
4/20-5/20

The energy that is growing between you and another person is giving you two a lot of power over your surroundings -- are you guys ready to use it? Unleash your dynamic-duo-ism on the world today! Dive right in and get more involved in things. You have the time to bend things to your will -- and you definitely have the influence. The more you immerse yourself in the situation, the faster you will gain a deep understanding, so hurry up and get your team in motion.

* * *

That's great. I just wish this dynamic duo was more in sync... Lest I leave that on such a cryptic note, never fear. We're simply hitting the first of the relationship speed bumps, and one of them comes from the girl and I each being in a different headspace. The good news is neither one of us is going anywhere. The further good news is that I got a counseling appointment this afternoon and can start working on my "stuff". So yay.

* * *

Took Tyler to summer school today and talked with one of the administrators. Because Tyler had been evaluated at or above 9th grade level and therefore will not be held back next school year, he took that to mean he didn't need to attend summer school anymore. The administrator and I told him that there was a difference between knowing something and doing the actual work. He had a glazed look until the administrator used Bill Gates as an example of someone who was smart, but if he just sat around and did nothing, he wouldn't be successful like he is now. That did it for Tyler. He cheerfully went to class.